want to be average? follow these clear-cut proven ways
13 ways to fail in life
An extremely sarcastic look at how to win at life.
1) Scroll Social Media All Day: You have to keep up on pop culture. This is because average people love reels so it is best to make sure you have solid reels to send to… average people. Do you see the catch yet?
Ah, it doesn’t matter. Having some fire memes will help you meet the right type of people.
2) Believe in Team Spirit: That’s right. Go and attend every single company event, joining hands and singing as you bond with one another on some mundane trip.
If you really want to make it in life, nothing is better than making someone else rich.
That is what team spirit really means. Creating a culture where people are less likely to leave because they feel good. Who does that benefit? The owner. But it’s okay because you’re doing the “right thing”… Whatever that means
3) Eat Garbage: Since a calorie is a calorie it is best to simply eat whatever you like. If it makes you happy, go for it! Never in the history of mankind has the easy and painless route improved the lives of others, yet for food, it makes sense.
4) Learn Random Trivia: Instead of having a general idea for the life you lead, you should know every random thing about the universe like the back of your hand. Ignore the fact that you don’t even track your own progress at the gym and focus on memorizing the latest Kurzgesagt video.
5) Believe in Luck: Look around you and assume that anyone who is more successful than you (from a similar background) somehow cheated or got lucky. Believing in luck absolves you of all responsibility in life. Congrats. Instead of realizing that luck is simply your ability to put yourself in situations where positive results may occur, go about your day and assume it will simply happen one day.
6) Don’t Read: We already know that it is easier to watch YouTube so why bother reading when the same concepts can be learned from a YouTube video. An influencer that is creating a video to make money off of entertainment value certainly delivers the same message as a book written to inform. No conflict in messaging here.
7) Surround Yourself With Average People: You need to remain smart so it is best to stay in a room where you’re the smartest person by a country mile. As long as you’re going through the motions, you will improve just as much in a room full of average people as you would in a room full of elite men.
8) Hate on the Rich: Since life is luck, it is best to assume that rich people are also out to get you. This is the best way to foster a relationship, by letting them know you dislike them and loathe them. Make sure that you insult successful people consistently and then wonder why no one is interested in helping you at all. After all, the last person who gave you a job was poor… right?
9) Always Go Dutch: No matter what, always split the tab. A good friend of yours who always makes your day isn’t worth an extra $10 for a drink. Make them split. In fact when you’re on a date, make the girl pay. She must be really attractive, if she’s willing to go on dates with broke guys.
10) Try to Please Everyone: Don’t worry about office politics. Instead, since you have a lot of team spirit, never push back on anyone. When you’re given monotonous work from a person who does not matter within the firm… Prioritize it… over the work of the highest revenue generating person in the firm.
11) Have No Accountability: Any time something goes wrong, look for someone else to blame. In fact, make it a habit to always search for someone else to complain to instead of instinctually blaming yourself. Since everyone else is out to get you, it cannot possibly be your fault.
12) Invest in Individual Stocks: Instead of investing in yourself, invest in individual stocks. It makes sense to spend 20 hours a week to try and eek out an extra 1% return on your $10K investment ($100) at a rate of $5/hr – below minimum wage! Then one year it will happen… you’ll make an extra 3% above the S&P 500! You will also validate your own belief that you’re intelligent… Double win!
13) Lie About Your Life: Nothing says successful quite like never failing. If you fail at something that would be a bad thing so never fail.
Instead just lie, lie, lie. Lie until you believe it yourself! It is much better to go through life as a liar because then you’ll never be able to build trust with another human being again.
Congrats you’re going to be average forever!
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Comments
💬 Alex says
Literally read it with tears. 2 or 3 of the above traits are mine, and I thought of myself as a non – average!
So much to work on.
Thanks!
💬 R. Zeta says
Once you start hanging out with successful people you forget what it is like to be around average people. That is until you have to go to some ridiculous get together where the regression to the mean occurs.
In sum? You learn that average people are average for a reason – as you guys preach on here.
Just stop hanging out with average people, all of these negative attributes end up rubbing off on you.
I repeat, anyone reading this should never hang out with average people again.
You can try to deal with it but eventually their BS problems become yours.
💬 Jackson says
Guys – luck matters. You can’t rely on hard work to brute force your way to success.
💬 Wall Street Playboys says
LOL no it does not.
In 4 words? Blue collar grunt work. You’d still make it in life to the near 7 figure club.
Luck is for weak people.
💬 Jason says
WSPs hit it out of the park, across the city, and into the next district with:
“Believing in luck absolves you of all responsibility in life. Congrats.”
Instead of realizing that luck is simply your ability to put yourself in situations where positive results may occur, go about your day and assume it will simply happen one day.”
WSPArchive: agreed. Luck definitely has a significant effect on your outcome, but it does not matter as to whether you ultimately become successful or not. That is reassuring.
💬 SJ says
Number 3 makes me cringe, people think if they’re eating their magic number of calories (for weight loss) it doesn’t matter what they eat… because few calories = healthy….
“Green juice? Isn’t that the same as eating pop tarts since they both have 400 calories??””