The Best Halloween Costumes for Guys (G-Manifesto, October 19, 2007)

G-costume advice coming from somebody who wears it every day

GArchive: just in time for the best time of the year to swoop fly girls.

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I have been getting tons of emails lately such as, “What is the Best Halloween Costume for a G to wear?” or something to the tune of “I am going to a sick Halloween gig this year, what is the best costume?”

Decent questions, all in all.

I am going to go out on a limb and assume that when people say “Best” they mean the “Best Halloween Costume to Pick up Girls in”.

Fair enough?

Now, keep in mind, I don’t really go out on Halloween anymore and I have mentioned this before in: Halloween Parties and Vampire Naps.

To be quite honest, I don’t really go out on Holidays at all.

Too many cops, guys, snitches, informers, protective boyfriends, grasses, and corporate fools.

(In fact, I am having trouble even going out on weekends nowadays. Weekends are for working stiffs. Tues, Wed, and Thurs you can get your most solid work done. And when I say “solid work” I mean swooping the flyest girls. Mondays are bad, because of Thurs seafood deliveries. Unless, of course, you go to Le Bernardin in NYC).

First off, here are some definite “Don’ts” for Halloween Costumes:

Don’ts

No face paint.

The stuff will get in your eyes and end up running down your face at some point in the night. Plus, you should want to take advantage of your good looks. You are in your prime, right?

No “shirt off” costumes.

Unless you’re gay.

No spandex.

If I need to explain this, your problems don’t end there.

Now, keep in mind, I haven’t “battle-tested” many of these costumes.

But, I have picked the brains of many trusted sources and G’s active on The International Playboy Circuit, to come up with this data sheet on The Best Halloween Costumes for Guys.

No spandex.

If I need to explain this, your problems don’t end there.

The Classics

The Mummy

Bad Idea, dressing up in toilet paper isn’t going to get you any girls.

Spiderman

No. Spandex. This also goes for Superman, Batman, or any of those other clowns.

Aquaman? Do me a favor. This is real life, not HBO’s Entourage.

For the record, I out-Gamed Marky Mark heads up back in the day for a fly girl in Hollywood. And she was from Boston!

Come on Marky? Skip along and go find your Funky Bunch. Dancing around in your underwear? That guy is so weesh. But I digress. Back to The Best Halloween Costume…

Pirate

Good move, especially if you spin it like a Pirates of the Caribbean-Johnny Depp style costume.

Fly girls buy into that Hollywood-Johnny Depp crap, if you haven’t noticed.

Dracula

Best choice of the classics by far.

Real good for submissive girls.

You get to slick back your hair and dress in black. Can be pretty sinister.

Pretty haunting like Hope Sandoval’s voice.

It’s no secret that Fly Girls like Vampires.

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